sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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