Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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