I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
