We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
