They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
