I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
