if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i think i scared a bird with my dick
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
