Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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