I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
