I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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