I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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