Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
