My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
