Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
are you so shy because you have an std?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
