Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
