I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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