she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
