Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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