Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
