shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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