HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
