4 words: hood of his car
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
