So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
