so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
