Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
