just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
