We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
