my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
