I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
3 2 1 whiskey
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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