i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
