i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
