I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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