I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
