Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
