the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
