it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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