but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
