sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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