I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
