So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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