Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
