You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
