no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
