if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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