I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
third nipple confirmed
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
