please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
