im having a threesome with these popsicles
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
