I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
