Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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