Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
